Dreaming,Writing and Believing

Hi guys!

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 17:08:07 +0530

I just thought I should let you all know about this, I’m finally a year closer to getting out of high school, I’m finally in grade 11. Its not really a happy news. Grade 11 is like the mother of all difficulties. Mathematics gets really though and this year we select our majors for highschool. I’ve taken up Commerce which includes Maths,Accounts,Business Studies,English and Economics. Basically, I’m damned. Most of them are new subjects to me, and if I don’t maintain good grades, I will have problems getting into a good university.

So because of all this, I might not be available here anymore. I’m leaving the fanfics as it is, but I don’t think I’ll have enough time to write so many things together. I’ve got a wattpad, where I’ve begun an actual story (nothing related to fanfiction) and I would really like to continue that. I’ll be sure to add the Wattpad link to my blog, if you like you can read the story there. But Hurricane is finished. I may add one more chapter, an epilogue of sorts, if I get the chance to write it again.

To my lovely readers, thank you so much. Hurricane has been treated really specially by a few of you and it was a great feeling for me that someone holds Hurricane in the same I hold it. Thank you again, and I’m sorry I wouldn’t be here anymore.

Don't worry about the late posting.... I'm not better when it comes to fast and regular posting of chapters ;) Keeps the suspense alive ;)

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 20:39:12 +0530

I always scold myself for posting so late! Suspense will be anew, I just got tons of inspiration ;)

Nah, don't cry. It's over when it's over... keeping it alive when there's nothing more to say wouldn't do the story any good. Yes, I am talking bout "It Feels Like We’ve Never Been Alive". This story could be real, guess that's what I like about it. To me that always adds value to a story.

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 19:24:20 +0530

Hurricane is my dreamland, I have a sort of epilogue planned. It Feels Like We’ve Never Been Alive, ah that story is definitely more reality. Thank you for reading this, and I forgot to thank you for dealing with my late posting and stuff too! <3

"It Feels Like We’ve Never Been Alive"- i like this story, will you continue it? pretty please? ps. there's nothing better then happy ending (hurricane was awesome)

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 19:22:05 +0530

I will certainly continue with it!

Ah thank you so much! Hurricane means a lot to me and people liking that really makes me happy, thank you so much again <3

hangmedownbytheriverbed answered your question: So is Hurricane living up to any expectations...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 15:59:09 +0530

hangmedownbytheriverbed answered your question: So is Hurricane living up to any expectations or…

“And if he screwed up, I probably had to beat him with every single heel I ever own, but I couldn’t let him leave.” my fav sentence! :)

So glad you liked it! Its one of my favorite lines too! Ah ending Hurricane makes me cry, I’ve been scared of this for the longest time.

I like your Hurricane story.... or wait... it has to be "liked"... too sad its over... but I also like the new one you recently started. Especially as you take your time there its gonna be good :) I'll keep coming back looking for new chapters :)

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 15:56:09 +0530

I’m extremely flattered you like Hurricane. There will be one more chapter though. By new one you mean It Feels Like We’ve Never Been Alive? Sorry a little confused!

And thank you so much for sticking with Hurricane :)

keepcalmstaycl4ssy answered your question: So is Hurricane living up to any expectations...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 11:09:25 +0530

keepcalmstaycl4ssy answered your question: So is Hurricane living up to any expectations or…

IT IS PERFECT ! I LOVE IT!

Ah thank you! Gives me tons of confidence <3

So is Hurricane living up to any expectations or is it a fail?

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 22:10:18 +0530

So is Hurricane living up to any expectations or is it a fail?

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 20:49:29 +0530

CHAPTER 29(B)

*Adara’s POV*

Jared left me by the pool and went inside. After a little stop at the counter by the door for his keys I heard the door open and then close. When he left I turned around, I hoped he wouldn’t leave, but he had. I heard his car’s engine come to life and then the sound of his car driving away. I stood there for a while, not knowing how to react to it. I was the one who told him to give me some time.

After a little time I decided I should wind up everything. I picked up mine and Jared’s plates from where we were sitting and went towards the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, I moved all the stacked up plates to the sink, and decided to take care of the dishes the next morning. At least my guests had speared me the pain of having to put away the non-eaten food since all of it was gone. I switched off the lights and went upstairs to my room.

I removed my makeup and tied my hair up in a messy bun. I got into the most childish pair of night wear I owned, which was a SpongeBob night set and took out my SpongeBob slippers. I always kept those around for when I was having one of these confusing nights where my brain seemed to have shut off.

Deciding to watch a movie, I went downstairs and got some ice cream. Once I was back in my room, I turned on the TV not really bothering to put on a movie; I decided I would watch whatever movie was on the movie channel.

I only noticed what movie was going on once I was settled comfortably on my bed. Alexander was on HBO. I switched the channel and found Mr. Nobody on it. I gave up and watched the Alexander. I ate my ice cream, thinking about what Jared had said. I was barely paying attention to the movie. My eyes were fixed on a frame on the wall right where the TV was. It was a picture of me and Jared. I had never taken it off. Actually, I hadn’t taken down or put away anything he had given me. The cupid we got was still on the counter near the door, all the picture frames were in the exact places.

I switched off the television after a little while and put out the lights. I lay down on my bed and replayed every special memory of Jared I had. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking how safe I felt around him. The world seemed a brighter place when Jared was around, I felt like I could fly to the moon and back in a matter of seconds. He made me feel happier than I ever remembered being.

That’s when it hit me. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t just stay here and let him walk away. I had to fight for what I wanted. I had to give him another chance. And if he screwed up, I probably had to beat him with every single heel I ever own, but I couldn’t let him leave. I couldn’t give up our relationship, even though I had always told myself cheating was something I could never forgive. But love does that to you I guessed.

I sprung to my feet and put on the slippers which were by my bed and rushed downstairs. Picking up my keys, I wrote Kaitlyn a note saying I probably won’t be back soon and rushed off towards my car. I was still in my night suit and didn’t even bother wearing something else. At that moment I didn’t care about anything else but telling Jared how I felt.

Throughout my drive to Jared’s house I tried to figure out what I would say to him. I didn’t know what I was going to say, and that scared me, but I knew I had to say it before it was too late. I parked behind Jared’s car and walked towards his gate as slowly as humanly possible, which was completely contrary to my speed when I left my house.

When I reached his door, I considered going back, but somehow I convinced myself to knock. When he didn’t reply, I knocked a little harder and waited for some sort of light to turn on. I got tired of waiting, so I used to spare key I still had with me to get into his house. It felt like breaking into his house, only I had the keys and didn’t technically break the lock.

I was glad to find his bedroom door wasn’t locked because it usually was and stepped inside. I could see his bed from the dim light in the hallway and I could also see his face. He was sleeping; I could tell by his peaceful face and otherwise he would have known someone was knocking.

I walked up to his bed and took off my slippers. He was lying right in the middle of the bed. I lifted the covers and got in beside him. I put my head on his chest and he automatically stiffened against me.

“Hey Jay” I whispered.

As soon as he heard my voice, his body relaxed into mine and he turned towards me. His hands snaked around my waist while I buried my face in his neck, taking in his scent after what felt like the longest time. We stayed like that for a while and then I backed off a little to look at his face.

“Adara I-” Jared started

“Shhh” I said, putting my finger on his lips. “I’m ready to give us another change Jared. I can’t just throw these feelings away. I cannot ignore the fact that I love you, and no matter how big of a dick you can be sometimes, that you make me feel happy”

“I’m so sorry for what I did” he said

I knew he wasn’t lying. His eyes shone with the guilt he felt.

“Let it go babe. It’s over, I forgave you. Just please don’t ever put me through that again”

“I promise Adara” he said

I removed my finger from his lip and leaned in. He closed whatever distance was left between our lips. We kissed each other for the longest time, and only separated to breathe. I hadn’t felt this alive in the last four months.

I didn’t know what the future would hold for us, but I knew I was ready to fight for the person I loved and I was ready to work things out.

burdenofmydreamblessingibelieve: omfg thank you so much :3 I wanted to post it here, idek what...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:07:36 +0530

burdenofmydreamblessingibelieve:

omfg

thank you so much :3

I wanted to post it here, idek what went wrong but it was posted on my personal. Anyway, I love you ok?

Okay, so I posted Chapter 29 (A), there will be a part (B) to it and then one more chapter for...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:00:20 +0530

Okay, so I posted Chapter 29 (A), there will be a part (B) to it and then one more chapter for Hurricane.

I published a White Collar related fiction too, which I wrote like last year. If you guys like it, I’ll probably continue with it. Also I might publish a little Frank Iero story I wrote ages ago.

I’m leaving for a vacation today, its not too many days, I’ll be back in 4 days but this time my laptop isn’t coming along, because I thought I need a little break from writing. I barely publish, I know, but I constantly write material and then delete it because I’m not personally happy with it.

I honestly hope Hurricane has a good enough ending, I’ve been working on it for sometime and the ending has been tough.

Thank you for sticking around with Hurricane, it means the world to me.
See you guys soon

Untitled (White Collar inspired fanfic)

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:00:01 +0530

“I’m done” I said

Blue eyes stared back at me, with all surprise in them.

“What are you talking about?” he asked

“Neal, I know about Kate, you’ve told me about her. And I know why you’re with me, why you’re acting like you’re interested in me” I said, remembering everything that Peter had told me and what I had seen on the surveillance videos of my father’s office.

Peter had told me the truth about why Neal was with me. He wanted some information on Kate out of me. I really didn’t want to believe him at that point, but I still went to my father’s office and checked the surveillance videos, and found Neal fiddling with some of my father’s works in the library. My father ran a detective agency which now my sister looked after, sometimes, me helping them out with things. But by the day, I was a wedding coordinator, working with different event managers and most recently, with Elizabeth, Peter’s wife. I had worked with her many times before, before shifting to LA for a short time, so I knew Peter and I knew he wouldn’t lie to me, but my heart didn’t want to believe him. But I’m glad I checked the video and found out the truth. And now I knew, nothing hurt more than being used by a guy, especially when he was trying to avenge his ex’s death.

“Jess-“Neal began

“That’s Jessica for you Neal” I said

“Jessica, I was going to talk to you about that. And, we really need to talk. Don’t jump on any conclusions” Neal said

“No, Caffery. You lied to me. You used me to get the information. You know you could have just asked for the information, I would have gladly helped you. Kate, no matter what, was my friend when we were kids. Yes, when she grew up, she fell in love with her games and complicating her life, but none the less she was a friend” I said

“Jess, you don’t get it. I was just trying to…” Neal said

This time I ignored the urged to tell him again to call me Jessica not Jess.

“Trying to what?” I question

Silence.

“You don’t have the answer to that do you?” I said after a while, and clutching my handbag more closer. Weird thing about me, I still haven’t gone out with my luggage, I guess I always wanted deep inside me for him to have a reasonable explanation to as to why he had broken into my office.

“No, I don’t.” Neal confessed

Tears spilled down my face as I made my way out of Neal’s apartment, crashing into Mozzie on my way down.

“Over with Neal?” he asked

I nodded and Mozzie pulled me into an awkward but weirdly comforting hug.

“I’m sorry. He’s just, messed up right now. I won’t say he did the right thing, but I hope you’ll be okay” he said

“I hope so too” I said and got into the cab I had called in.

I called Helen on my way.

“Helen” I cried

“Jess! How are you? I haven’t heard from you since you moved in with that charming boyfriend of yours” she teased

“Ex-boyfriend” I corrected her

“Oh my! You come to my place right now, with your entire goddamn luggage” she said

“I’m coming over all right.” I said “I’ll talk to you when I get there okay; I think I need some time to myself” I said and hung up

I reached her apartment 30 minutes later. By this time, my head was a little clearer than the last time I had called my best friend.

She was waiting outside, her expression livid.

“I’m going to kill Neal” she said as I got out of the cab.

I pulled my luggage out and paid the driver.

“You don’t have to” I said as we went inside

“Tell me everything” Helen said sitting by my side

“Neal was using me to get some information on Kate’s death or about Kate. I don’t know exactly what right now. Peter gave me a hint and I checked the surveillance videos and did find Neal in the library fiddling with some works from 1996. I confronted him today, though I totally shouldn’t have, and he had no explanation for what he had done. So I took it that he did use me, otherwise, I’m sure Caffery would come up with some bullshit. Thank god he respected me enough to not make some silly excuse.” I said

“That sick bastard!” she said scrunching her face up

“Nothing I can do about it. And I’m the stupid one, I should’ve known why such an absolutely charming and gorgeous man was suddenly interested in a plain Jane like myself.” I sighed

“Don’t say that!” Helen exclaimed

“Don’t say it’s not completely false” I said

“Maybe it’s not. But that’s because you’ve been busy building a career for yourself and you hardly got anytime for yourself during this time”

“Yes, but the truth is I’m a plain woman and Caffery is a charmer. Why would he even fall for me?” I said

“Well, you are going to bump into him time and again right? I mean you’re working with Elizabeth and everything”

I could tell she was onto something.

“What are you thinking about? I know that face. Something is definitely on” I said

“Well, I was just thinking, why not show Caffery what he just missed out on?” she said

“Excuse me?” I could say nothing more than that.

“We’ll doll you up. And you used to doll up back in the days, I’m sure you can carry that off. We just need some sexier clothes in your wardrobe and a new haircut. And then, we’ll be good to go!” she explained

“Bad idea” I said as she dragged me outside to her car and started towards the upper east side, her favorite shopping destination.

“Bad idea” I kept repeating while she drove

“What are you? A parrot that recently learned a new word?” she asked on a red light.

“But this is totally not logical!” I whined

“It’s not. That’s sort of the point. And trust me, I’ve seen you all dressed up, I know how pretty you look. We just need to show you off to him. I’m not saying I’m trying to make him jealous or anything, but he should know you’re much more than he thought. And this will help you think better of yourself” she said

“Fine” I gave up. No one could argue with Helen and win it. Especially when I knew somewhere deep inside that she was sort of right.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 11:48:00 +0530

CHAPTER 29 (A)

I had no idea how to react to anything Jared had said. I just kept staring at him with wide eyes. My mind was still stunned. He loved me? He wanted forgiveness?

“I don’t know what to say” I said honestly

“Just forgive me, give me another chance. I swear I’ll show you I can be a man who deserves you” he pleaded

“Jared, I don’t want you to change. I liked you from the beginning for the very same reason; you’re you. I don’t want a fake Jared; I want the real Jared, with all his tantrums and all his flaws. But I can’t say anything else right now. I need some time to think this through” I said

“Take as much time as you want, I’ll wait but please think about it” he said and left me standing by the pool.

*Jared’s POV*

I left her by the pool and headed inside to collect my keys and then head home since I knew Shannon would not come out of Kaitlyn’s room before tomorrow. My heart had tugged painfully when she didn’t utter a word after I confessed everything, but then I had no right to expect anything from her. Shannon had urged me throughout our journey here that I should talk to her and that I should fight for her. I kept refusing him. But when Adara talked to me and told me to stop beating myself up, I thought it was appropriate that she knew the reason I was so guilty about what I had done.

I reached the kitchen counter and grabbed my keys. The little cupid kept at the corner of the table caught my eyes. It was something I had bought for her when we were in India. It didn’t mean a lot back then I just thought it was a nice gift for her and got it. But later on we joked about how that same cupid struck me.

I still remembered Adara’s smile when I gave it to her. She looked at the cupid and her eyes shone, like it was the most precious thing on earth. I also noticed the teddy bear key chain. Her car keys were hung with that. We were out shopping when she noticed the key chain and refused to buy it because apparently it was childish. I could tell she wanted it, but she would never agree to it. So I had snuck out of our hotel and bought it for her. If she kept these around, I still had hope that she had the other things around, and that maybe someday she would forgive me.

With one last glace towards Adara’s back, I headed outside.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Tue, 29 May 2012 11:07:00 +0530

Chapter 28

*Adara’s POV*

I was making the famous Adara salad as the crew called it. They loved it when I made it once in a while when I was with them on tour and I thought it would be a nice little treat for them. But I knew they would all want tons. So I had tons of vegetables to cut. Kaitlyn told me she would take care of the main course. I told her that she needn’t do a thing; I was after all supposed to be the host. I knew she would never agree to let me cook everything, so we had a deal that she would cook the main course, while the dessert was left to me.

I was engrossed in cutting the vegetables when Kaitlyn interrupted my concentration.

“Will you ever talk about it?” she asked

“Talk about what?” I questioned

“Don’t you dare do that, you know exactly what I’m talking about here” she said

I let out a sigh and hoped she would drop it. But I knew her. There was a 99.9% chance that she would bug me to death, even blackmail me about breaking our friendship if I didn’t talk. So I saved her the blackmailing and sulking around.

“I’m not going to say I’ve managed just fine because I haven’t. I mean, whoever I used to be and my perception towards lots of things have changed, but in the end, I’m till the Adara you knew. With an exception for my newly developed theories of course”

“What sort of theories are those?” she asked

“Well, love only exists in fairy tales for one. There isn’t any “the one” in your life. You’ve got to be practical enough to move on from a relationship when it doesn’t work out-”

“If it doesn’t work out” Kaitlyn interrupted. “When did you become so cynical about love?”

“New theories sweetie, new theories”

“There’s more?” she raised her eyebrows and waited for me to continue

“There is more. But you need to concentrate on getting the main course ready!” I said and kept down my knife. When she didn’t budge, I pushed her towards her half cooked food and said “There are vegan and non-vegan food on your course, so hurry lady”

After about an hour, Kiara came in with the beverages. I was pretty much on schedule, I was icing the cake and it was a good hour before everyone would come in, so I had enough time to get ready.

Kiara ushered me up to my room and told me she would take care of all the last minute things. I decided to go for my beige skirt and matching top. I put on some make-up, did my good old smoky eyes. After taking forever to decide on what to do with my hair, I let it down and pulled up one side into a bow clip. I looked at myself in the mirror, and something made me uncomfortable about my sleeveless top. As I heard the ring go off, I quickly got into my heels, threw on my sliver shrug and rushed off downstairs.

Daniel and Braxton had just come in and as I greeted them, the Leto brothers showed up. I greeted Shannon with a cordial smile, not even daring to look at Jared. After that, the people were almost pouring in.

“I’ll just go get the pool-side table ready” I said, excusing myself from the crew.

I took wine and champagne containers outside. Kiara had already set the little buffet we had discussed about. I kept the wine and champagne bottles neatly in one corner and look over at the whole table.

I was lost in thought, and when a cold metal touched my neck, it almost startled me. I jumped a little, only to be met by a deep chuckle. I knew it was Shannon and I spun around to face him.

I touched the pendant he had just placed around my neck. It was a huge stone pendant from what I gathered.

“My little gift looks good on you” he smiled.

“It really wasn’t necessary” I said, smiling back at him.

“I just saw it on our second trip to Paris, and it reminded me of you, so I picked it up” he said. “It even matches with your dress! Go inside and have a look at it!”

I went inside and into Kiara’s old room, since mine and Kaitlyn’s rooms were upstairs.

It was a light pink pendant; it literally almost matched my dress. I looked at the chain, it was a simple design. My mind suddenly drifted off to the first time we were in Paris. This was unambiguously from the shop Jared and I had visited. Only they could have such a pendant. I brushed it off as a mere coincidence that Shannon got me the gift from the very shop.

I went outside and jointed my guests and chatted with everyone, and listened to them tell me stories about the tour. After a while, I invited them all outside, and told them to help themselves with the food.

While we all had dinner sitting around each other, Jared was the only one who was left seated alone in the corner of our backyard. He was sitting awkwardly in his chair, not looking up from his food once, even while chewing. He almost looked like a lost child from where I sat.

My heart tugged when I saw him look at Jamie expectantly, probably hoping he’d sit down with him, but Jamie only just passed him a smile and headed towards our group. His face fell, and his emotions shone right through his eyes.

When everyone was enjoying dessert and had scattered into smaller groups, Jared was still left alone. He wasn’t even having any dessert; he just sat there and started into his lap. I was surprised he wasn’t looking into his blackberry. I took in his features while I served myself some ice cream.

He seemed to have lost a lot of weight. I had seen pictures of him from the concerts too, he seemed too skinny. And he barely even smiled in pictures. I disliked seeing him like this. I wanted the old Jared back who was like a child and yet he was the sexiest man on the planet, who could irritate you to death one minute and then be the most adorable thing you could ever come across.

And that’s when it hit me. I loved this guy. And no matter how hurt I was, and no matter how badly I wanted to punch him for ever breaking my trust the way he did, I still loved him. Nothing could change that. I took some of his favorite dessert and walked off towards him.

My heart beat seemed to have increased eight folds. I had no idea what I was going to say to him. We hadn’t talked for 4 months and now all of a sudden I was walking towards him with dessert for him.

I stopped a little away from the chair kept beside him and addressed him.

“Would you mind if I sit here?” I asked

His eyes shot up to mine and he looked at me with disbelief. I gave him a tiny smile while he probably was still trying to figure out what I was doing there.

“Of course” he said after a little while.

When I was seated, he turned his gaze down to the ground again and almost refused to look at me.

“I brought you some dessert” I said, extending the plate towards him.

“Thank you” he said with a smile. It was his genuine smile and it gave me confidence that I could still talk to him about everything.

For a moment we both stayed silent, probably content to hear each other’s voice.

“So…why have you been sitting here all alone?” I asked

“I guess no one wanted to sit with me” he said. “And why would they right? I’m the unfaithful one here”

He looked up at me with a sad smile, but his eyes were a different story. I only saw the guilt. Not even sadness, but just pure guilt. He was beating himself over what had happened.

I was about to tell him to stop beating himself up when Jamie called out my name. They all were apparently leaving, so I was required.

“I’ll be back in a minute” I told Jared and headed towards my leaving guests.

After the goodbyes, Tomo and Kiara went too while Shannon and Kaitlyn headed to bed. I went outside to find Jared in the exact place I left him.

“Jared, stop beating yourself up over whatever happened” I said

“I don’t think I should. Look, I know it probably wouldn’t make anything hurt less, but I’m sorry. I wish to God every night that I could take it all back, but I want you to know that I love you” he said

“No, Jared, don’t do this right now” I said, my tears threatening to fall if he went on further.

“I feel like I need to say this, and you need to hear this. I love you, Adara and my timing is probably the worst in the world, but that’s Jared for you. Everyone says I’m this perfect man, trust me I know I am far from any sort of perfect, but you Adara, you make my life perfect. I know you don’t deserve a man like me, but I want to be a person you deserve. When I realized I loved you, it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to deal with it. But I’m not scared anymore Adara. I’m here, and I want your forgiveness” Jared said.

Just thought I would let you guys know, Hurricane will end soon. And by soon I mean in 3 chapters. I...

Fri, 18 May 2012 09:59:34 +0530

Just thought I would let you guys know, Hurricane will end soon. And by soon I mean in 3 chapters. I have a rough idea of how its all going to be. I didn’t want to just abruptly end it, so I’m letting you guys know in advance. I’ll continue with the other story, but yeah, I guess time’s over for Hurricane.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Fri, 18 May 2012 09:56:55 +0530

CHAPTER 27

*Still in Jared’s POV*

I woke up next morning to a sunny day in L.A. I got up, did the daily choruses and went downstairs to see if Shannon ever made it home last night. Apparently, he hadn’t. His bike was nowhere in sight and no one responded when I called out his name.

I made myself some pancakes, only for the sake of having something to eat. My stomach was growling and pancakes were one of my favorite food.

After I made the pancakes and served them for myself, I heard a bike’s sound which was unmistakably Shannon’s.

He entered and peered at me for a moment. I looked at him and wished him a good morning. He too wished me a good morning and made his way towards his room.

“Save me some food” he said right before disappearing into his room.

I waited for Shannon while I checked my emails. Nothing too special demanded my attention. When Shannon came out, he served himself the pancakes I saved for him.

It was only when he was finally seated and gorging into his food that I spoke up.

“I need your help Shan” I said, my voice almost cracking up with the guilt that I felt inside me. If I hadn’t screwed up, I wouldn’t need anyone’s help to give a gift to Adara, I could just straight away give it to her.

“My help with what?” he asked

“I need you to give something to Adara” I confessed. No one knew anything about this gift. I had sneaked off on our second visit to Paris to buy Adara the pendant from her favorite shop. She had once told me that she loved every single thing about this shop, and every single one of its jewelry.

*Shannon’s POV*

Jared wanted my help to give something to Adara. I couldn’t wrap my head around anything he had said.

“What is this about Jared? Winning her over and hurting her again?” I said harshly as the images of Adara came to my head. It was so clear that she had lost weight. And when I had visited them last night, Adara had been crying. The way she cried and howled in Kaitlyn’s lap made me so angry on Jared.

I saw Jared almost flinch at my words but he kept his composure.

“I just bought her a gift from her favorite shop in Paris and it’s obvious she wouldn’t accept it from me. So I was wondering if you could give it to her tonight when you go to the dinner” he said

“Why are you doing this, Jay? She’s hurt man. She’s still living in that hurt. She just pulls up a brave face for all of us. And you’re the only one to blame, I’m sorry I’m saying it this way, but its true” I said

“I know its my fault. No one needs to rub it in Shannon” he said. I guess he finally lost his temper.

But when I looked up at Jared from the kitchen counter, all I saw was regret and guilt in his eyes.

“Jay?”

“I love her Shannon” he broke down. His eyes watered and he started at me like a lost puppy.

His voice was still cracking when he continued.

“I’ve loved her ever since she met Aditya after a long time. Remember how I was acting crazy because she gave you more attention and then she met Aditya and I had to accompany them to the restaurant? He was flirting with her, and she was just laughing it off, I looked at her face in the rear view mirror…and that was the exact moment I knew I was in love with her. And it scared the hell out of me, Shan. I didn’t know what to do with myself. When she left me after our argument about the Hurricane shoot, I was pissed off. I was drunk and pissed off and a stupid ass when I was with Natalie”

“Jay, if you love her, you need to tell her that and make things right between you two” I said

“No Shannon. She doesn’t deserve me. Look at me man! I cheated on her, and nothing I can say will make that better. I broke her trust, and I’ve wished to undo those things every single night after she was gone. I felt like running away from everything sometimes, but I guess I couldn’t be more irresponsible than I already had been”

“You never told me any of this before, Jay” I said.

“I don’t know, Shan. I guess I’m used to rather be seen as an asshole than to open up about my feelings” Jared said.

I looked at his face. I could see clearly how broken up he was. I hated my guts to think Jared didn’t care. He never even let any of us know about how guilty he felt. I had never seen my baby brother this broken up and it broke my heart to see him like this.

“What did you get for her?” I asked after a while

He stood up and went towards his room. When he came back, he was holding a necklace case. When he opened it, I saw a beautiful stone pendant and a simple chain in it. It was exactly the kind of thing Adara loved.

“I’ll give it to her tonight” I said

“Thanks man” he said

“And you’re coming with me” I added

“But-” he began, but I interrupted him and told him about it would look bad if he didn’t come.

Then I pulled my little brother for a hug. He had never been a hugger, but this time, he gladly accepted my hug and then burst out crying. I had never seen him like this. I could hear his sobs pretty clearly and I pulled away to look at him.

He hung his face and refused to look at me. He kept crying and I tried to get him to talk.

“I lost her Shannon. I lost the woman I loved” he said.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Fri, 18 May 2012 09:55:20 +0530

CHAPTER 26

*Adara’s POV*

I was checking my twitter to answer some questions regarding the band’s tour when something caught my eye. There was tweet mention me which said “See @jaredleto is still with @AdaraVerma! Here’s the proof” and it had a video link attached to it.

I knew that me suddenly going missing from the tour hadn’t gone unnoticed but a video proof as this person said was something I rarely got. I decided to see whatever the video.

What I saw completely shocked me. A groupie was holding back Jared went he was probably trying to get back to the bus and asked him if he wanted company for the night. She was exactly the kind of girl Jared would sleep with. But Jared rather just told her that he wasn’t interested and that the only person’s company he wanted wasn’t with him.

I didn’t know how to react to any of this. I had seen numerous pictures with girl which looked like this girl. And I had cried every time I saw those rumors of Jared sleeping around with groupies. But now I wondered what if they were just pictures and this is exactly what had happened every time someone offered him company.

I felt guilty about reading into the pictures too much, and then I scolded myself for even thinking about him. It wasn’t like I was with him anymore. He threw it away, not me. It wasn’t my fault he slept around with a girl who was supposed to be just a girl who appeared in one of his music videos.

I pushed everything to the back of my head and got cleaned up to go pick up for Kaitlyn and Kiara along with their boyfriends and the rest of the crew who were coming back to L.A for a week. I didn’t know what to think of any of this. I was scared, anxious and a little angry at the same time.

I knew facing Jared would be awful. We hadn’t spoken to each other in 4 months. I talked to the rest of them a lot of times and never even once did I talk to Jared. I even talked to Emma, who was usually constantly bugged by Jared for whatever he needed. We had snuck a few conversations here and there, but I didn’t think Jared had any idea.

As I waited in outside the arrival doors, I found myself fidgeting with my bag, trying to drive my attention towards how many things I need to get out of it. My bag had been nicknamed The Junk when we were on tour because of what I carried in there. I pretty much had everything I could ever need.

As the arrivals started pouring in, my heart beat increased suddenly. I just tried to keep my calm and wait. There was nothing I could do to avoid facing him. One of my best friends was dating his own brother while the other one was married to his brother from another mother.

I saw a glimpse of Shannon in the swarm of people who had just arrived and I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I knew everyone would be somewhere around him.

As the other arrivals cleared out, I saw the whole band and the crew. Jared, who was usually up front and busy on his phone, was behind everyone but as usual he was busy with his phone. Kaitlyn and Kiara hugged me together and kept saying how much they missed me. I gave them a tiny smile and told them I missed them too.

Next, Shannon pulled me towards him for one of his famous hugs and then lifted me off the ground.

“I missed you kid!” he said and spun me around.

For the first time in months, I actually laughed. It lit up my insides and I laughed with Shannon.

“I missed you too Shan” I said after he put me down.

“Hey there” Tomo said, and quietly hugged me. Once we separated and I had to go greet the crew, Tomo quietly said “You know you don’t have to go there, they’ll understand”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’ve missed these maniacs so much” I replied and walked towards the crew

Everyone hugged me and asked me how I was doing and told me the initial period after I left was a disaster and how they missed me being around to keep things under control.

I told them about the plan I made for all of them to come over sometime this week and have dinner at my place and we all settled for tomorrow.

I knew Tomo and Shannon would probably never even leave the house so asking them about when to plan the dinner would be useless.

*Jared’s POV*

I saw Adara talking to the crew, who were standing a little away from me. While she talked to everyone, I took in as much of her as I could. She looked different. She definitely had lost a lot of weight and the way her collar bones showed bothered the hell out of me. Had she not been eating at all? Her collar bones were so prominent before, but now it felt like she had been on a crash diet or something. And there was no one to blame but me.

Her style had changed too. The once quirky and colorful Adara now wore simpler shades. She looked tamed down. I didn’t know if it was only an act she pulled for the office or if this was how she dressed now. All I knew that it made me feel guiltier.

*Adara’s POV*

Before leaving the crew to go our separate ways, I passed a glance towards Jared, only to wish I hadn’t. I saw him looking at me, and as soon as our eyes met, he looked away from me. What I could make out from his eyes was that he felt guilty. I didn’t dare look at him again, but I could obviously see that his health had deteriorated. It may have been from the tour, I knew how many diseases he had succumbed to while we were on tour.

The crew left for their houses, and the rest of them came with me. I asked Shannon where he wanted me to drop him, and he said that it’d be great if I dropped them at their place and Shannon would come over after. He knew it would be awkward for Jared to be the only one getting off at their place.

Once we dropped Kiara and Tomo at their new house, we started for the Leto house.

The ride was pretty awkward, Jared never spoke up, and Shannon tried to keep his questions to me as nonchalant as he could. I knew he wanted to ask me how I was holding up after the New York episode, but Jared being there prevented that. I was more than thankful that nothing about it came up; I honestly didn’t want to talk to anyone about whatever had happened. I was trying to put the past behind me and to do that, I just needed space and to pretend like it never happened.

After we dropped the brothers at their house and told them about the dinner I had planned for them and the crew tomorrow night, we left towards out place.

Kaitlyn seemed extremely jetlagged and exhausted. I was pretty glad I had cooked for her in advance or I knew she’d just head up straight to bed while I cooked.

“I cooked your favorite meal” I said, smiling at her.

“You know you didn’t have to, I’m so tired honestly” she said

“Oh no Miss, you’re not going to bed without food!” I said

“Can I ever even argue you with and win?” she asked as we pulled into the driveway.

“Nope” I said and hopped out of the car.

Once we got all her luggage inside, I served up Kaitlyn’s meal and sat down beside her.

“How have you been, sweetie?” she asked, knowing all well I hadn’t handled everything too good.

“I’ve been good” I lied with a fake smile. I knew she would see right through it, but I had to try anyway.

“Of course you have” she said, rolling her eyes

“You finished?” I said, peering into her plate and she nodded.

I took the plate and dumped it in the sink. I could clean them while she slept.

“Go to sleep Kaitlyn, we’ll talk when you’re feeling less exhausted” I said as I started scrubbing the dishes.

I heard the clinking of Kaitlyn’s heels as she climbed up the stairs, content that she wasn’t putting up a fight right now. I needed time to get myself together and think about what exactly I was going to saying to all these prying people. I knew they only wanted what was best for me, but I also knew telling them that I could sort things out on my own was worthless, they’d never listen to me.

*Jared’s POV*

I pulled up my entire luggage on the front porch and looked at Adara driving the car away from our house. I wished to god that I hadn’t been such a fool so that she’d actually come over to mine and Shannon’s house and stay with me for a while. Or maybe I would ask her to move in with me. That way Shannon could move in with Kaitlyn and they could share a home too.

After me and Shannon had the food we had ordered, I remembered about my present for Adara. I knew Shannon would be heading down to their place tonight and I couldn’t think of any reason why Adara would accept anything from me.

I thought about giving it to him right now, but by the time I went downstairs, Shannon had already started his bike and was off to Adara and Kaitlyn’s house.

I decided it was best for me to sleep, I had absolutely no sleep in the afternoon and I was jetlagged as hell. I was still in doubt about me being invited to the dinner Adara was hosting tomorrow. She did saying “You guys should come over” but she only looked at Shannon, not even throwing me a mere glance. It was like I didn’t exist in that place.

I went to sleep trying to figure out a way to get Shannon to help me to get the gift I had for Adara to her.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Wed, 02 May 2012 14:51:00 +0530

CHAPTER 25

*Jared’s POV*

It had been exactly 4 months today since Adara left. I never even got to see her face after the day she slammed the door on my face or know about the fact that she was gone until she actually left. No one had even intended to tell me, it just slipped out of Jamie’s mouth while he was talking to some crew members about how much they would miss Adara. Nothing was the same after she left. Shannon and Tomo knew I had cheated and nothing they kept me at bay for the longest time. When they finally began speaking to me for more than informing me about things, they still kept distant and barely ever talked about Adara or anything personal.

After Adara had slammed the door on my face, I did think about knocking again but I knew I deserve even worse than only this. I did the only thing I could, I let her go. I let her think my ego didn’t let me knock on her door again. At least this way she would probably hate me and move on with her life. I knew nothing I could ever say or do would make her hurt less. I didn’t deserve a girl like Adara. She always dealt with my shit and my little dramas, which took place pretty much every single say we had a concert and yet never gave me any shit about it. She understood how stressed out I was before our concerts and how I wanted everything to be perfect. And when it was my turn to deal with her emotions, I flipped out on her. Moreover, she didn’t deserve a man like me. She deserved the best person out there. And I was far more the best; I couldn’t even be a faithful boyfriend. I cursed myself every single night for ever drinking as much as I had and letting her even touch me after the video.

What scared me the most was the fact that tonight was the last show before we went home for a week. I wasn’t prepared to face her; in fact I would never be prepared to face her. After what I had done to her, I couldn’t even think about facing her. What would I say to her? That I was drunk and screwed up? That I never meant to hurt her and I was sorrier than I could express? It seemed like a pathetic excuse for me to cheat on her.

The concert was usual. I acted like I was the most joyful person when I was in the public eye, but it exhausted me to fake my emotions and my smile for so long. We were finally headed outside after the Meet and Greet to say hello and sign a few autographs for the people who waited outside the venue for us in the biting cold. It was the least we could do for the immense dedication of these people.

I smiled and said hello to everyone, signed whatever they wanted me to sign and posed for a few photographs with them. The last ones to meet me were surely trying to get laid. Their body language expressed it undoubtedly. They flirted with me, probably expecting me to flirt back, like I usually would be 4 months ago, but I didn’t. Clearly, the fact that Adara hadn’t been touring with us for a few months had not gone unnoticed. A lot of people had asked me about Adara but I never really answered their question. I deflected the conversation elsewhere, most comment on how nice the weather was or if they liked the show.

The women who were still notoriously flirting with me sure were pretty, but I felt no yearning for them. When we were done and I tried to leave, one of them lightly put her hand on my wrist and stopped me.

“You sure you don’t want company tonight?” she asked, her tone suggesting it all. She would probably suck my dick right now if I told her to.

“Yeah I’m sure, I only wanted one person’s company tonight, and she isn’t here right now” I said and with I left the group to precede towards the bus in the hope that Adara did somehow hear this and at least knew how I felt about it all.

It had been the same everywhere since Adara left. There were so many women throwing themselves at me, and a few of them were the kind of girls I would have loved for company before I met Adara. I had no desire towards them, I only desired one woman, and it was the woman I had lost.

It Feels Like We've Never Been Alive

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 11:36:32 +0530

Chapter 3

When she woke up, the sun was streaming in through the curtains. She figured it was somewhere in the mid-afternoon. Turning around to face the man sleeping next to her, she took in as much of his face as she could. She noticed how beautiful he was, how his hair fell on his face, how with each breath his perfectly toned stomach rose and fell, and mostly how clam his face looked. She lay back down, thinking about what he would make her feel this time.

When he stirred next to her, she turned her face to him. His eyes slowly opened and focused on her face.

“Hey” he smiled, and closed the distance between them. As he kissed her, his hands roamed around her back, making her groan in his mouth.

She broke the kiss and greeted him a good morning.

“Tea or coffee?” she asked, going into the kitchen while he sat on the counter.

“Tea” he smiled sheepishly. He knew Alison didn’t like tea a lot, but he preferred it much more than coffee.

While Alison made them tea, Jared’s eyes were glued to her back. She could pretty much feel his eyes fucking her. She knew very well he would be fucking her pretty literally eventually, but his eyes raking her like that was pretty uncomfortable, especially with the amount of self-esteem issues she had.

When the tea was finally made, she took the two mugs and sat down opposite to Jared and pushed one of the mugs towards him.

As Alison sipped the tea, Jared looked carefully at the girl sitting in front of him. Her collarbones were much more prominent than the last time they were together, her brown eyes seemed dull and lifeless and her wrist bones showed too much. Alison noticed Jared not drinking his tea and looked up at him. When she saw him inspecting her with his eyes, she broke the silence.

“So how is the tour going?” she asked

His eyes met her and he finally took a sip of the tea. “It’s going good. How’s work?”

“Work is rather slow. It was all good until last week, but this week its way too slow for my liking”

“Always the workaholic” he commented

It came as a surprise to Alison when he made no attempt to actually talk about her appearance. Furthermore when they finished with the tea, he just switched on the TV and started watching some movie. He made no attempt to talk her into anything physical.

“Lunch?” she asked

“I was rather thinking about us going out for dinner. It’s too late for lunch isn’t it?” he asked

Alison was stunned. Jared had just talked about taking her out for dinner. When she didn’t reply for a while, Jared turned his head around to see her in the kitchen and raised his eyebrows.

“Uh…sure” she said.

“Good! Come on here then, we’ll watch a movie” he said

She made them some popcorn and sat down next to Jared. After a while, they were cuddled up on the couch. Their feet were intertwined and Alison’s head was resting on Jared’s chest while they watched Ice Age. It amazed Alison how she would never really watch an animated movie but here she was with Jared, watching Ice Age and actually enjoying it.

“I should leave now…I’ll get some fresh clothes on and I’ll pick you up at 8?” Jared asked

Alison nodded and Jared got up, while she stayed on the couch. He got into his shoes and with one last kiss on her forehead he left. Alison tried to take in whatever had happened that day. She felt vulnerable again, just like in her early teens.

She got up, seeing as it was already 6:30 and she planned on taking a long shower before getting into fresh clothes.

After half an hour, her head finally got to a conclusion. He was only being nice. Jared was a good guy, so he was doing this just to make her more comfortable with this…whatever it was.

She didn’t really know how she should dress. He hadn’t mentioned where he would be taking her so she just got into a blouse and a skirt, and just for the sake of it, she got into her highest pair of heels.

Jared on the other hand, was fidgeting with his blackberry while he waited outside her house. It was still a good 25 minutes before 8 and he was so afraid of being late that he had quickly changed into a fresh pair of clothes and started back for her house.

Now he had nothing better to do than wait. He didn’t want to come across as a needy man and that would be the exact impression if he went in before time.

Alison was ready and nervous. She sat in her little kitchen trying to calm herself down. The bell rang exactly at 8 and she strode over to the door. Jared was smiling at her as he handed her the bouquet and she blushed slightly as he seized her up.

“You want to come inside..or?” she asked

“Not really, let’s just go?” Jared asked

“Sure, just let me keep these inside and get my purse” Alison said and went back inside

Jared stood at the door, trying to get his head around how beautiful she looked. Not that she didn’t look equally good when she had no make-up on, but she looked rather sexy like this. Most of the time when he saw her, she had no or minimal make-up on and looked like an innocent little girl.

Alison’s heart was beating so fast she thought she could just faint. She took a vase and quickly poured in some water into it. Then she put the bouquet into it just as they were packed, she could rearranged them later, she just had to make sure they were in water. She kept it on the kitchen counter and grabbed her purse. When she reached the door, Jared’s face had changed again. His features let out nothing but annoyance.

She looked at him, confused about what caused the sudden change of mood and he let out a frustrated sigh.

“I have to leave” he finally said. It felt like someone had just slapped Alison. With a heavy brick. She instantly felt like a fool. How could she even think about a date with a guy who just fucked her? How did she ever expect more from him than just physical pleasure?

But she did not let her inner conflict affect her expressions.

“What happened?” she asked, more calmly than she was actually feeling.

“We’re leaving for the tour quicker than I expected. They say its tomorrow morning, and I have got a full closet to pack.” Jared said

“Its okay, go pack. And take care of yourself on the road ok?” she said and took a step back to close to door.

“Alison, I’m so sorry” Jared said, stepping towards her. He extended his arms towards her and tried to hold her close to him, but Alison just put her palm flat on his chest and pushed him.

“You need to pack Jared. Go” and with one last kiss on his cheeks she closed the door.

She felt so angry at him…and at herself. Firstly he was the one who planned this dinner thing, he almost pushed her to expect more than just sex from him and then he just ditched her. She felt even angrier that she let herself expect more than just sex from him. It was like an unspoken rule for them. They both worked hard, they were both very passionate about their work and needed someone who would be there for them at 3 in the morning, just waiting to provide them with some relief and not expect anything other than sex from them.

This was exactly why Jared and Alison’s little thing; Alison could never really put a name to it; but whatever this was worked only because of the principle that none of them expected any emotional bonding from the other.

While she debated fixing herself some dinner, her eyes fell on the flowers he got for her. She just walked over to the kitchen counter and smashed the vase to the floor. She didn’t want his flowers lying around the house, trying to remind her of this thing ever again. She didn’t really bothering cleaning up the mess right then, she was sure she would break more things right now if she didn’t calm herself down.

She just kicked off her shoes on her way to the bedroom and removed the skirt and her blouse. She didn’t bother with the makeup and went straight to bed. After lying under the covers for a while, she realized she was still fuming over Jared. This was what she did not want. She came to bed thinking she would just forget about him and sleep, but she was nowhere even near sleep. She didn’t know when but in the midst of calming herself down and cursing Jared, she finally fell asleep.

Come Into My Life Like A Hurricane

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 10:45:00 +0530

Chapter 24

*Jared’s POV*

“FUCK!” I screamed after the elevator doors closed, taking away Adara downstairs. I knew there was no way I would use the stairs and reach in time to stop her, but I did it anyway. I didn’t care I was half naked and my pants could actually slip down any moment, I just couldn’t let Adara leave.

She had come back from Paris and possibly it was just now and came to see me and I fucked up. I kept cursing myself as I ran down the stairs, thinking about what a huge asshole I was for having to do anything with Natalie.

I ran as fast as I could, I felt like my life depended on it, but I was too late. I saw Adara get in the cab and leave just as I reached the main gate. I screamed after her, hoping something would make her stop.

*Adara’s POV*

I didn’t know what to think. I felt like a person he could replace with any girl he came across. It felt just like my teen years when everyone found someone to replace me with, the time when I measured up to nothing. I wished I could have been good enough for Jared, but I wasn’t. And that was the plain truth right there. I put on my sunglasses in the hope of avoiding people’s questioning eyes about my own eyes, which I knew were probably already red from the crying.

Once I was safely inside Kaitlyn’s hotel room, I let down my guard completely. I was hurt, more than I could really put in words. Jared made me feel special, like I was actually not that bad, and I guess not. I was just a waste of space. Kaitlyn and Kiara managed just fine without me on tour, and apparently so did Jared. I was nothing but a waste of space, exactly like my father made me feel as a teen. I sat in Kaitlyn’s room for what seemed like hours. I thought about giving in to my need to punish myself one too many times, but at the end of it all, I knew in my heart that this wasn’t my fault. I hadn’t been the one who crossed the line. I only went to Paris to give Jared a break from me, it definitely seemed like he needed one and unlike Jared, I had been faithful the whole time. I didn’t even know how many times he had cheated on me.

I heard a knock on the door and I expected it to be Kaitlyn, so I didn’t really bother checking who it was. I needed my best friend more than anyone else right now. But there stood Jared, the person I least expected here right now.

He didn’t wait for me to ask him anything or even say anything to him.

“Adara, just please let me explain” he begged, I could see his eyes showed regret but that did not change anything.

“I don’t ever want to see you again, Jared. Never. You can go screw as many girls as you like, we’re done” I said and slammed the door right on his face.

Mr. Egoistic wouldn’t bother knocking again, I knew that for sure. And he didn’t. Just a little while later Kaitlyn came in and she knew something was wrong by how fucked up my face looked.

She told me to wash my face and then tell her everything. I did as I was told. I was too tired to argue and it seemed right to wash my face.

I told Kaitlyn everything once I was done cleaning up. Her face let out none of the anger I knew she would be feeling inside. I told her again and again that I wanted nothing to do with Jared so she should not confront him. At the end of our conversation, she agreed to not speak to Jared about any of it. Kaitlyn phoned Kiara and let her know how things went down while I got in bed, absolutely ready to sleep. Honestly, I was exhausted and I needed nothing but sleep.

But apparently my brain had other ideas. Images of Jared and Natalie kept me awake for what seemed like forever. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jared and her together. I was so repulsed by it that I opened my eyes again and wait for me to get more exhausted.

In the weeks that followed, I asked Paul if I could just stay back home and work from here. Kaitlyn and Kiara could manage the work on tour while I handled everything else, just not by travelling with them. Paul agreed and so did Kaitlyn and Kiara. They knew I wanted nothing to do with all this and they wished to honor my decision of staying away from Jared. I usually stayed inside Kaitlyn’s room up until the day I was supposed to be leaving, working from the room and only talking to anyone very rarely.

Kaitlyn expressed her fear of leaving me alone a lot of times, but I told her it was unfair for her to worry about my problems and that I was an adult and perfectly capable of handling such situations myself.

When I finally left New York, I knew this city would never be the same again. New York was my special city. It had a crazy lifestyle, it never slept, I loved it to bits and pieces. But I knew after what had happened this time, New York would not see me for a long time. As much as I tried to forget it every happened, I knew it did. So I quit trying to forget it. I tried to accept the fact that I had been cheated on by someone I loved and that now I had to move on.

I couldn’t let this ruin everything else. I had a dream job here in L.A. I always dreamt of leaving India and my godforsaken family and never go back to that place. I never wanted to feel that pathetic ever in my life. So I stayed in LA and worked to the best of my abilities. I tried to work as much as my body allowed, sometimes even more than that so Kaitlyn and Kiara didn’t have more to handle than they already did. I never went out for dinner or to clubs, even though Paul called me every single Friday night and told me to go out and have some fun. I was more than interested in working as much as I could.

Working helped me keep my personal life at bay, all the emotions that threated to burst out any moment I even went close to thinking about them and all the hurt mostly. I kept myself buried in work and I decided to take my dieting and exercising too. I had free time on Saturdays and Sundays and exercise seemed the best option. I was far from feeling happy, but my heart did not hurt either. It was as close to normal as I could get after my stint with having a relationship.